Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Victorian Freak Show Posters
After listening to an adaption of The Elephant Man on BBC 7 (don't judge), I looked up Victorian Freak Show posters and found myself bieng pulled in two different ways. Yes, the subject matter is horribly insensitive, ignorant, cruel, disturbing and all those other things but the posters themselves are actually rather beautiful. I really love their surreal quality. Look at the impeccably dressed tiny people on top of the table. I love the drawing of the Queen looking all surprised and entertained! I can see myself owning a few and hanging them in my downstairs toilet or something.
This poster below is a section from a larger poster. Look how it advertises The Stoutest Lady in The World and... Australians!!!! Australians!! Look how happy they are, as well. And the Stoutest Lady in the World is practically anorexic compared to today's obese population. I feel sorry for her, she's a trend setter not a freak. Anyway, all this talk about freak shows has made me want to go to one. Anyone fancy a trip to Eoghan Quigg's house?
Friday, 16 October 2009
Musical Friday
The Dodos - Fools
Beach House - Master of None
Maths Class - Jonny Got The Jawline
Electrelane - To The East
A Hawk and a Hacksaw - I Am Not A Gambling Man
The Cave Singers - Dancing on Our Graves
Beach House - Master of None
Maths Class - Jonny Got The Jawline
Electrelane - To The East
A Hawk and a Hacksaw - I Am Not A Gambling Man
The Cave Singers - Dancing on Our Graves
Monday, 12 October 2009
Cheryl Cole and L'Oreal
Speaking of celebrity endorsements, I've just seen Cheryl Cole's new L'Oreal advert. In it she tells us how to combat 'weak, limp, lifeless' hair. I'm assuming 'hair' is a euphemism for Cheryl's 'personality'. Also, that is probably the most airbrushed photo I have ever seen. In case you haven't guessed, I just don't get Chezza's appeal at all. She has as much spark as a bowl of porridge but omg can the girl has a great stylist! I have the Cheryl's answer to weak, limp and lifeless hair: extensions.
Pointless Celebrity Endorsements
Beyonce Knowles - Crystal Geyser Water
Phew, doing anything for money sure makes you thirsty! Luckily, Beyonce has a bottle of Crystal Geyser Water on hand to wet her whistle. In the advert, Beyonce runs and spins around in a silver sparkly dress singing her 'Sweet Dreams' song whilst clutching a bottle of the pretentious water like it's her saviour, best friend, boyfriend or all three. As she twirls, the magical liquid swirls around her and she splashes it away with her trademark puhzazz. What the hell is going on? She rubs the bottle against her chest, perches it on her shoulder like a parrot and looks completely awkward. She's probably never had one sip of it in her life. She only likes to hold it and dance with it. The advert was filmed in Japan and she probably thought 'At least no-one in America will see it!' Shame about the internet. We now all know that Beyonce will put her name on anything. Hang on, we already knew that. House of Derion anyone?

Jessica Simpson - Proactiv
This one is so embarrassing. It's like Jessica was thinking "The world watched as my marriage fell apart, took the piss out of me in high waisted jeans, made fun of my giant mouth (maybe that's just me!).... How else can I make a fool out of myself?" Admit you have really bad acne and star in one of the cheesiest adverts on TV is a good start. It's bad enough that you're ugly sister had a nose job and now looks better than you but now the whole world can count the number of spots on your face. The product must work though. Look at her skin in this picture. It's so smooth and creamy! And her teeth are so white. And her hair is so shiny. And she has no bags or lines on her face. And she almost looks like a cartoon. Hey, wait a minute...

Gordon Ramsay - Gordon's Gin
Phew, doing anything for money sure makes you thirsty! Luckily, Beyonce has a bottle of Crystal Geyser Water on hand to wet her whistle. In the advert, Beyonce runs and spins around in a silver sparkly dress singing her 'Sweet Dreams' song whilst clutching a bottle of the pretentious water like it's her saviour, best friend, boyfriend or all three. As she twirls, the magical liquid swirls around her and she splashes it away with her trademark puhzazz. What the hell is going on? She rubs the bottle against her chest, perches it on her shoulder like a parrot and looks completely awkward. She's probably never had one sip of it in her life. She only likes to hold it and dance with it. The advert was filmed in Japan and she probably thought 'At least no-one in America will see it!' Shame about the internet. We now all know that Beyonce will put her name on anything. Hang on, we already knew that. House of Derion anyone?
Kim Cattrall - Earl Grey Tea
I understand that life after playing one of the most famous TV characters in recent times can be tough. Type-cast and bored, you needs that role that will change it all. Something gritty, challenging, controversial perhaps? Or maybe something that shows your sensitive side or ability to put on a good Scottish accent? Lets get your name back out there, Kim. I can see it in lights: 'Kim Cattrall as you've never seen her before... First came the Sex, then the City, now the drugs? Oh, you didn't get the part? The murder? Oh, they gave it to Jessica Alba?. The treachory? You didn't even bother to go to the audition? Hhmmm... I've got it! The tea! Samantha who?
Jessica Simpson - Proactiv
This one is so embarrassing. It's like Jessica was thinking "The world watched as my marriage fell apart, took the piss out of me in high waisted jeans, made fun of my giant mouth (maybe that's just me!).... How else can I make a fool out of myself?" Admit you have really bad acne and star in one of the cheesiest adverts on TV is a good start. It's bad enough that you're ugly sister had a nose job and now looks better than you but now the whole world can count the number of spots on your face. The product must work though. Look at her skin in this picture. It's so smooth and creamy! And her teeth are so white. And her hair is so shiny. And she has no bags or lines on her face. And she almost looks like a cartoon. Hey, wait a minute...

Gordon Ramsay - Gordon's Gin
This is just lazy! Gordon's name is Gordon. And the gin's name is Gordon. OMG! I totally get it! They have the same name, which obviously means that Ramsay loves the alcoholic bevvy and wants us all buy it. This giant billboard was outside my house in Manchester for about six months. Everytime I washed up I could see Gordon's liney face staring angrily at me, his puffy eyes penetrating into mine. It almost lead me to drink so I suppose the advert kind of worked. Notice how the product they're selling has been shrunk and is poking up at the bottom of the poster. They couldn't even be bothered to put a full picture of the bottle on it! If you were really far away all you'd see it a giant picture of Gordon's face and the word 'average' next to it and you'd think 'yeah, that's so true. He is average. All he does is swear and have affairs. I'll stick to Pierre Marco-White. At least he's sexy!' Average is the most offensive word in the English language? I can think of two more. One begins with G and the other begins with R.
Unfortunately, Kim Cattrall was really convincing in that Earl Grey advert, so I'm more of a tea girl than an espresso girl. Oh wait. George Clooney is the face of Nespresso? This is so wierd. All of a sudden I'm craving coffee. I mean, if George drinks it, I want to drink it too. Come on. George Clooney? Really? Could it get any more random? Looks how he's tapping the little capsule of coffee!
Coffee Capsule: I'm so depressed.
George Clooney: Why, coffee capsule?
Coffee Capsule: I've been in Hollywood for ten years. Where's my big break?
George Clooney: Don't worry, something will come up soon.
Coffee Capsule: But when? Is starring in this advert the best I can do? I was trained under the philosophy of Stanislavski for God's sake.
George Clooney: Stanis who?
Coffee Capsule: Never mind.
George Clooney: Come on, Capsule, it's not that bad! We're getting paid millions just to sit and pretend to drink coffee. I mean, I don't even like coffee! No offence.
Coffee Capsule: You're getting paid millions? I'm getting nothing. Nothing! *Starts Crying*
George Clooney: *Tap Tap* There, there Coffee Capsule. There, there. *Tap tap*
Tatler's 300 year celebration
But the mag delivers lovely editorials, interesting stories about scandalous society women (I adore those kind of women, like Gorgiana Duchess of Devonshire and Isabella Blow) and has relevant fashion and beauty features, despite the fact that its orignal readers wouldn't have been caught dead in anything other than a Barbour jacket and jodhpurs.
The 300 year celebration November issue is out now, with a funky pull out cover of the Queen. Rather!
Up!
Oh God, I started to cry within the first five minutes. Gah, it's so sad. My 3D glasses were steaming up (as if I needed another reason to look like an absolute nerd) and my makeup was ruined by the end of it. And I actually 'LOL-ed' (which is something I don't usually do in public, especially when others are laughing too. I find communal happiness very cringe-worthy. Is that wierd?) many times, and it's not even catered towards my sense of humour.
You've got to see this film. It's an incredibly fun way to pass a couple of hours and you might come away with more then you bargained for...
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